


What You Lose

by camichats



Series: Imagine James and Sirius Prompts [87]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coma, Established Relationship, Healing, James Potter Lives, M/M, Married Couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 22:45:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18433649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camichats/pseuds/camichats
Summary: In the Shrieking Shack in Harry's third year, Sirius learns that James isn't dead, just in a coma. Now he has something other than revenge to live for.





	What You Lose

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: “James and Sirius fighting death eaters where James gets critically injured and in a rage sirius fights like a madman defeating the death eaters and then taking his boyfriend to healers and waits for them to sort james. Happy end. Thanks.”

Obviously, Remus had never believed that Sirius betrayed James. What he _had_ believed though, was that Sirius was the traitor of the Order. He'd thought there was too much Black blood in him to be shaken off entirely. Now he felt guilty and ashamed for thinking that, but at the time, he couldn't help but think of the time James had gotten severely injured and had been in hospital for a week straight recovering.

Sirius had just... lost his mind, according to the reports-- but how much could you really trust a Death Eater's word?-- and there had been a crazed look in his eye that had frightened Remus. His eyes were wild, his hair a mess, and there was blood splattered on his face but it was like he didn't even know it was there as he had paced back in forth in the waiting room, looking every bit the portrait of a caged animal.

With everything that had been going on at the time, the way Sirius had spat a vicious "I don't care!" when asked about the bodies he'd left behind, it had been so so easy to think him a cold-blooded murderer that didn't care about right versus wrong. As soon as he'd been allowed to see James, his face had cleared of anger and turned immediately to concern, but Remus hadn't forgotten about the way he'd looked before that moment. James had been fine for the most part. His leg had been shattered, and he never regained full use of his right leg before Voldemort attacked him.

After that, Sirius was in Azkaban, James was in a coma, Peter was dead, and Remus found himself homeless, friendless, and without a galleon to his name.

Remus rushed up the stairs of the Shrieking Shack, hoping that he wasn't too late. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in a corner, and Sirius was opposite them, holding a wand with that same look in his eyes as that day with James. "Stop Sirius!" he panted. "Whatever it is you're about to do, don't, you'd only regret it."

"You two are friends?" Harry asked, more than a little trepidation in his voice. He was ignored.

"I wouldn't regret anything," Sirius sneered. If it had been scary that day twelve years ago, he was twice as frightening now. He had the appearance of a man who had nothing to lose because it had already been ripped from him while he screamed helplessly. "Or at least I wouldn't if they just _handed over the rat_!"

"Wha-" Remus looked over in confusion and saw, clutched in Ron's hand, a very familiar looking-- if sickly-- rat. "Pettigrew?"

"It's him Moony, I _know_ it is."

"Yeah I... I can see that," he said faintly.

"You don't have to do anything Remus, I'll take care of it, just let me get revenge for James's death and-"

"He's not dead," Harry interrupted. They both looked at him. Sirius in surprise, Remus just because he was talking. "My dad's in a coma, he's not dead."

"A coma?" Sirius started to look hopeful, but he shut that down firmly, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head. "No. He's not in a coma, he's dead."

"No he's not, Sirius. He's alive, and killing Pettigrew would only make you the murderer everyone thinks you are. Just... hand me the wand and I'll take care of it. I swear to you Sirius, I'll take care of everything, I have never let you down when it's about James, have I?"

"...No," he said, voice small. His eyes opened again, and now he looked pathetic. The tears in his eyes made the grime on his face and coating through his hair all that more obvious. "Promise me he's alive. Promise me that you're not lying just so I'll listen to you."

"I promise," Remus said immediately. "Harry's seen him, visited him every year in hospital."

"What's... what's wrong with him, why won't he wake up?"

Remus moved closer and slowly, so as to not startle him, wrapped his hand around Sirius's and pulled the wand away. He still kept it trained on Pettigrew though, because he'd gotten out of far tougher situations before. "I'll tell you everything you want to know once we're in a bit of a safer position, okay?"

"But he's alive?"

Remus nodded. "He's alive." After that, it was a complicated but rather civil mess of explaining what was going on to the teenagers, and it almost got dicey when Snape showed up, only he had the wolfsbane potion in hand and was perfectly content to ignore Sirius when Sirius only glanced at him and didn't say anything disparaging.

* * *

Sirius had a shower. Several, in fact. Then he headed to the long-term ward and found James's room. He'd had to sneak out of his own room to find it of course, but it wasn't his fault that they wouldn't let him see James.

He looked so small on the bed, so colourless. Someone was taking care of the basics obviously. Food, making sure his muscles didn't atrophy entirely, cutting his hair, keeping him from smelling... but there was no substitute to actually being up and about. Sirius was sure he didn't look much better despite his moving-around-all-by-himself thing.

"I guess time wasn't on our side," he said quietly, voice a too-loud rasp in the quiet of the coma room. James's hands were above the covers, and he placed one shaking hand on top of his. They'd had so much time together for the years they'd had, yet it wasn't enough. For the ten years that they had been together, they'd been inseparable. If they'd managed the next ten years that way, it would have been perfect. But Sirius had believed Bellatrix when she said that James was dead, and it lost him that time together. He knew-- in a detached, intellectual sort of way-- that if James was in a coma and had been for the past decade, there was nothing he could do, Azkaban or not.

He doesn't know how long he sat there before a nurse came in, but it felt like it wasn't enough. "Mister Black?" she said quietly. Ever since he'd been declared innocent, everyone had been a lot nicer to him, even going so far as to treat him as fragile. "You really should be in your room."

"What's wrong with him?" he asked, ignoring her prodding, well intentioned though it was.

"I can't divulge other patient's information to--"

"I'm his husband. Pretty sure being in Azkaban didn't take that away, so you can tell me anything about his condition and it wouldn't be breaking any confidentiality oaths or whatever the fuck it is you're worried about." His voice didn't have the bite to it that he probably normally would have had. He was just so tired.

She hesitated. "You'll have to talk to one of the doctors about that. In the meantime, why don't I help you back to your room? You'll be more comfortable there." Plus he wasn't allowed to leave it in the first place. They claimed he was 'too weak' but he made it up here undetected without any help.

"I'm not leaving him." _Not again._

She didn't say anything, and while she waited a minute before leaving, she did leave without trying to make him go with her. He thought that was great, and he settled as much as he could on the side of James's bed. He didn't quite know what he'd do for food, but presumably they would try to keep him alive. He could sleep on the floor easier than the bed these days, so that wasn't an issue thankfully.

It was a only a few minutes later though, when his doctor came in. The nurse wasn't with him, but she had better things to do than play minion for someone. Either the doctor would be able to convince Sirius, or he wouldn't; there was nothing she could do about it. The doctor didn't say anything for a minute, taking his time to walk towards Sirius and study both him and James. "What can I do to get you back in your room?" he asked carefully, which wasn't what Sirius had been expecting.

"Bring James with me."

He took his time before he answered, clearly thinking it through and coming up with the best way to reply. "The treatment he needs is different than what you need. Coma patients receive all their treatments at once so they can be kept to a schedule." He waited for Sirius to say something in response, but he didn't. As far as Sirius was concerned, he'd said his terms and they weren't up for negotiation. "Mister Black-"

"Potter. My last name's Potter." He'd changed it the second they'd gotten married, but no one listened to him. "I know it says that on my admissions form."

"Mister Potter," he corrected as if he was starting for the first time, "if I give you a schedule for when you need to be in your room, would you follow it?"

Sirius blinked, considering. "What schedule?"

"Food, check-up's, and sleep of course. You're here so we can help you heal, and I can't do that if we can't find you."

"I... okay." He didn't particularly _want_ to agree, but he was tired. A few scattered moments throughout the day and sleep? He could deal with that if he got to spend the rest of it with James.

"For now, can we go back to your room and make sure you didn't exhaust yourself making it up here?"

"It was just walking," he grumbled, tightening his grip on James's hand. "I swam out of Azkaban after barely being alive for ten years, I can manage one building."

"I'm sure you can, but it's my job and I'd like to make sure. Medical malpractice is something I can get fired for, you know."

Sirius let out a breath slowly. He brought James's hand up and pressed his lips to the too-smooth skin there. "Okay." He put James's hand back down and sluggishly got to his feet. He'd be back up to see James in a little bit, and he- he wouldn't be mad at him for that, would he? He glanced back at James before they left the room, and his nerves settled somewhat. James hadn't even blamed him for the things that had been his fault; he surely wouldn't be mad at Sirius now.

* * *

Sirius was already awake from a nightmare when someone stuck their head in. Poor woman looked harassed beyond all belief, and it didn't take long before Sirius figured out why. "Mister Potter? I was asked to retrieve you."

"For what?" he asked. It's not that he thought everyone was out to get him, but the universe hadn't done him a nice turn when it stuck him in Azkaban to rot. The ministry had been after him when he got out, and his fellow aurors hadn't trusted him as far as they could throw him-- and they were all very weak in the arms.

"Mister Potter wo- I mean, the other one, the one in-." She pointed up at the ceiling, signaling the coma ward. "He woke up, so I need you to come with me."

Sirius jumped out of bed, which turned out to be a mistake because he was a little weak and his knees buckled. His hurrying was equal to her normal walk, and he was a tad breathless by the time they made it up there. James was surrounded by various doctors and nurses, but he was visible between their arms. "James?" Sirius called, trying to hurry to his side.

James's expression brightened when he saw Sirius, and he made an unintelligible noise that was probably meant to be Sirius's name.

* * *

Since James was awake now, they'd all agreed that there was no harm in putting him and Sirius in the same room. Sirius's... tantrum was maybe the most accurate word as far as the medical staff was concerned, was a pretty motivating factor for them admittedly, but it got the end result that was best for everyone.

Harry and Remus came by to visit before James could put a word together, but it was obvious that he was happy to see them.

It simultaneously felt like ages and like no time at all had passed before James was up and talking again. They'd fallen into old patterns which mainly consisted of cuddling all the time and James telling him how much he loved him. Which was what was happening right now. They were at home-- the home they'd chosen together once they were out of Hogwarts and had gotten married-- and it had been cleaned to high heaven to make it livable again.

"So, Mister Potter," James said, coming up from behind Sirius and wrapping his arms around his waist as he rested his chin on Sirius's shoulder, "do we have any anniversary plans?"

"It's not our anniversary."

"We missed, like, fourteen anniversaries, I think it's okay if we take a couple of them outside of the usual time."

"Mmm. No complaints here." He tipped his head to the side for a kiss. In some ways, the universe had shit on them. In other ways, it had saved them a lot of heartache. Sirius was sure of one thing though: he wasn’t going to lose this.

**Author's Note:**

> This is from a prompt driven blog @[imaginejamesandsirius](https://imaginejamesandsirius.tumblr.com) on tumblr. Feel free to drop by!


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